Hard questions

It’s true that money is tighter, the world is a little more worried and we all feel a little more pressure from the world around us.  We all have basic needs and many of us are lucky enough to have food shelter and clothing and there are, of course many that don’t.

For who have our basic needs met there is always the tendency to want more, to feel like we have to go without and that our lives are not somehow complete if we don’t get that extra holiday, the new car or the extension built.  In times like these it’s a good opportunity to ask some hard questions. 

Many of us feel trapped in jobs we cant stand with mortgages or debts we have to service and ultimately we can feel stressed, anxious or fearful of the future.  The antidote  is rarely immediate and certainly never easy, but by asking ourselves what we really need in life we might start to move towards a life that is less weighed down by the choices of when were younger.  To feel lighter its important to offload thinking that keeps us stuck, such as needing to upgrade or take that extra holiday. Ask yourself, do I need to buy that new car, can I still enjoy a well cared for used car?  do I need to buy more clothes when what I have looks fine and still fits? 

This is not about abstinence, it’s more about making conscious choices based on need rather than impulse.  Inertia can lead you to a life that you don’t want so how about thinking and asking yourself where you want to go before making any choices?  Your life is never going to be easy all the time but you can invest in an easier existence by buying less now to have more freedom in the future.

A recession? Seeing friends and loved ones can be like getting a pay rise

The disastrous events in the world of international banking and finance over the last week have caused feelings of insecurity and fear. Institutions thought to be safe have crumbled and we have all had reason to think of how to make sure what we own is safe.

Studies show that despite rises in standards of living in the last generation, we are not necessarily any happier and more media time has been devoted to the concept of happiness over recent weeks with a good example by BBC political reporter, Brian Wheeler who suggests that now might a be a good time for our politicians to focus on our general well being.

There are many things that we think will make us happier and most of these will cost money and more importantly require us to take on debt to buy them. Debt is something we are told is almost unavoidable once we become adults, from the point we go to university to our first car or that expensive long haul holiday. A quick phone call and the quote of a 16 digit number on a plastic card and we have that new opportunity to improve our mood.

What if we tried to think differently about what makes us happy? What are the simple changes we can make to recognise where we are already happy and also where we can do things that are within our grasp and do not require us to build our mountain of debt. Research by Nattavudh Powdthavee suggests that our communities and friendships can be measured financially and contribute hugely towards our mood and confidence. Going from seeing friends and relatives once or twice a week to seeing them more often can be worth an additional £15,500 per annum. Dr Powdthavee points out that this impact on mood suggests the need for government policies to encourage greater social interaction. The modern drive to work longer hours and to travel further to do so is contrary to the assertion that we need only make more time to spend with loved ones or to make new quality relationships to increase our fulfillment in life.

As we know, work life balance is not easy to achieve, however, small changes in what we do during our week such as making time for a coffee with a friend, or watching a film on T.V. with a loved one can contribute in a gradual way to shifting mood and demonstrating the way to keep improving our happiness.

Lunchtime Playtime

Imagine a playground at work!

 

 

When you were at school the day would be broken up with breaks in the playground where you could talk to friends, play games, have a run and generally let off steam.  In the world of work it’s not so easy to find a chunk of time everyday where you can do your own thing but it maybe possible to dedicate one lunchtime to doing something that will relieve stress and allow you to recharge you batteries instead of eating at your desk, in the staff restaurant or rushing to the bank. 

Making a change to your routine by carving out one hour in the middle of one of your work days to do something different will give you something to look forward to and may yield great benefits in reducing your stress and tension levels  making you feel more able to deal with the demands of work.  Here are 3 suggestions to try one day this week:

Walking club

Why not start a walking club with some colleagues, where you can agree in advance a series of walks in the local area lasting for about 40 minutes allowing some time at the end to eat.  The walks don’t have to be particularly vigorous but the club do need to take responsibility to take part consistently. The benefits are numerous but will include, getting to know colleagues better, increasing fitness levels and reducing tension. 

Start or join a games club

This can be a simple yet very effective idea where a few of you can decide on a game such as scrabble and arrange to play every week for an hour over lunch. The group can remain small but if more colleagues show interest then perhaps go to your employers and present it as a morale improving initiative for staff.

Start or join a book club

Workplace book clubs are gaining in popularity and are again an effective way to do something completely different from your work while getting to know the people who work in your organisation. The concept is very simple and will mean the group decides on the title of the book for the month and you all then buy a copy and then meet back at regular intervals to discuss the story. In some cases book clubs will arrange to watch a stage or screen adaptation of the story adding another feature to the social aspect of the club.

The workplace ‘playtime’ is an opportunity to use some of the valuable time you have in the middle of your day which may teach you something new, improve your health and help you to make new friends all of which are excellent ways to improve confidence and reduce stress.

Get confident to beat the credit crunch

This year we have seen unprecedented changes in the way the world views money and the organisations everyone thought would be rock solid forever.   In particular we hear the term  credit crunch, which indicates the that borrowing money is  more difficult  following a period where lending was quick and easy.

So we know now that with banks fighting extinction and the domino effects on all of us together with rising fuel and food prices that the world is now a less confident place than a couple of years ago.  A key question though is why? why should it be that just because it’s difficult to borrow money should we feel a sense of dread or fear?  There are textbook economic answers to this of course, and this is part of a cycle, but there is also a human perception answer here.

We are trained from an early age that to own and to accumulate is a good thing and that to better ourselves is progress. There is no denying the positive  effects owning something new or better than we had before but what happens to our confidence when prices go up or salaries stay the same? We are less sure and look around to see how else we can make ourselves feel better.

The way we get information is getting faster every day and with the ever increasing media available, at ironically cheaper cost, we are exposed to messages encouraging us to take more holidays, buy another concert ticket, sign up for a pre-release blu ray disc or upgrade your car. In fact without thinking very hard about it, we can easily be convinced that it’s really normal to keep upgrading and to make our lives feel better by taking more expensive holidays. They imply that if we don’t keep up then we become excluded will eventually be unable to function in the modern world, get left behind and feel lonely.  It might be time we got a new attitude to money and ownership and stopped sleepwalking with the idea that borrowing and buying will fill gaps in our confidence and ultimately our happiness.

In this time of credit difficulties and rising prices we are still encouraged to take up new ways to spend what cash we do have in the form of discount food and clothes stores, interest free furniture and balance transfers, with a fee, of course.  All of this points to the fact that we are still encouraged to renew what we own and that the things we already have are now overtaken by the next version. ‘New improved’ is the dream we are given and we devour it mostly without question.

30 Days to crunch credit

It’s not easy to think of ownership in a different way after years of easy credit and fast moving improvements to our every materialistic desires, but it’s worth a try. Let’s try an experiment for one month, something where the aim is to consider every purchase carefully and to look at all that you own and to think of the value it brings you.  It’s possible to find new ways to feel fulfilled and happy other than purchasing power, but first there needs to be a cleansing of the way we think and a dedication to break the habit of spend to feel better.

Try committing to spending 30 days where when you go shopping you only purchase what you know you will eat or drink and disregard the ’special offers’ that you had no intention or need to go out and buy. Think long and hard about why you need to buy that £200 pound gadget when something half the price with a lesser brand will do the same job.  Is it necessary to update your car just because the manufacturer advertises a ‘face-lifted version’? Does you current car still get you where you need to go, do you have the luxuries you actually need?

Once you have had a stock take of your possessions and understand the difference between what you actually need and what you just feel like having you can start to think of how to satisfy your time in a different way.  The next stage of crunching credit is to think of how the things to do that are inexpensive or free and take a little time to do. Take more walks, read more talk more with friends over a meal rather than sit in front of that expensive plasma.  Do you really need that  expensive car? can you get fit and save money by using a bike for local journeys?

While these suggestions are in fact very simple, the process of breaking a habit of quick purchases to feel better for a short time is more difficult but ultimately more rewarding. The obvious money savings aside, you will feel less vulnerable when the next credit crunch comes around because the less  you owe the more of yourself you own.

Pick a fun challenge to beat boredom and feel good

When life feels like too much of routine, choose a new pastime and turn it into a short term challenge. If you can find a few hours a week then why not fill them with something you have always fancied trying,  it shouldn’t be something that could cause you any pressure, so best to avoid something linked to work or  day to day household activities,  this is about pure fun with no strings. Let yourself go and choose whatever you want to try as long as you can realistically commit to learning and doing it regularly.

The challenge of learning something where you have no pressure will allow you to just enjoy the experience and grow. For example if you decided to take up the guitar from scratch, you could commit to learning and practicing until you can play your favourite three songs to a small audience of friends and family. No need to set a time limit as the idea here is to reduce stress and pressure but to make the challenge exciting enough to carry you through times when your time priorities are competing.

Brainstorm all the things that you will need to do to get you to your goal and then put them into a list and get going. Search online for the best types of equipment to start with, read reviews, look up local classes or buy a tutor programme for your PC. Once you have worked out how you will learn and develop, make your purchases immediately and get started that week.  If this challenge turns out to be more than your budget can stretch to then find something new straight away that fits.

The start of anything new will seem strange and if you have never done anything like it before then you may feel low on confidence and tempted to just stop trying.  The trick here is to keep trying until you feel yourself progress. If you stick with it you will, without any doubt, improve and feel more confident. Over time you will sense your excitement and eagerness to get back to your new challenge and as you talk about it with your friends and colleagues you will feel a sense of energy.

The saying, “a  change is as good as  rest” is never more true here, if you shake things up and change the outlook of your week by doing something you find fun and which allows you to grow then you will reduce your stress just by engaging your mind to find ways to improve and conquer a challenge that you maybe missing in your work or home life.

What’s your true talent?

Thinking about what we are really good at often feels like a struggle, especially when we have the business of life to get on with. It’s easy to go through school and college and on into work just assuming we are on track and doing the right thing.

Society has a timetable for us to follow and if we stop then we get left behind. It’s only in recent years that it’s become acceptable for students to take a gap year before going on to work. In fact it’s becoming more the norm for mature workers to take time out of their careers to travel or try other activities such as volunteer work. This growing trend points to the need for people to take time away from the timetable of life and to look carefully into what makes them happiest.

You maybe trained as a dentist but in your spare time you adore woodwork or photography. It’s when you are engrossed in these activities that you realise how relaxed you feel despite being busy and fully occupied.

The idea of finding your true talent is not just about a job or activity but the instinctive need to express a natural feeling. For example you may have a natural feeling to create something and that can manifest itself into an activity like painting or playing music. However if you are locked into a career where you are working in a rigid structure which allows for very little creative output you will eventually feel frustrated and unfulfilled. Understanding your natural talent gives you a springboard to develop a life that feels more relaxed and less frustrating.

So how can we dig deep to find this talent? Here is a suggestion to help you on your way:

Take a Gap Day

As difficult as it may seem, arrange to have a day when you can be completely alone with no distractions such as mobile phones or television. Some background music to help you relax is OK but ensure it’s not intrusive. Have some paper and a pen handy in case you need to write your thoughts down. Relax in in a comfortable chair and just think about times when you have felt most relaxed. What were you doing? where were you? note this down. Then think of when you felt most comfortable in an activity, the sort of activities which made you feel most fulfilled. You may notice that you felt best when you were helping people, or decorating and organising a home. It maybe that you felt fantastic when you described your holiday to friends.

Don’t pressure yourself in trying to identify a ‘new career’. The aim of the day is simply to turn off the noise of modern life and to listen to you again. In doing this exercise alone you will get in touch with what makes you feel less stressed and you will feel inspired to look at life a little differently. Once you have an idea of what your natural talent is you will be surprised to find your mind buzzing with ideas on how to express it whether at work or in the form of a relaxing pastime. Good luck!

Hang your hat on one goal to move forward

How many goals do you have in life? sometimes we have a list of things we want to do and yet never move any further than adding them to a mental list and then feel guilty for not taking action.

One step forward is the way to go somewhere else in life, and in this short video, the veteran motivational speaker Brian Tracy describes a powerful way to cut through the forest of good intentions and to start working on one thing that is not only important, but that will make a real difference.

5 ways to ease stress

When the balance tips away from comfortable stress, it’s easy to feel as if life is getting on top of you. Try these 5 suggestions to reduce the stress levels and to shift your mind away from a worry that’s occupying too much of your thinking.

1. Go for a brisk walk

yes even if it’s raining, wear the right clothes and then walk quickly for 20 minutes. Make sure that as you walk you look around you to take in the world, and breathe deeply.  The action of moving your body at pace, and a change of scenery where you are seeing the world at work and  play will get your mind unstuck and lift your mood.

2.  Play a game

Whether it’s solitaire, or something on your Wii or PS3 with someone else or alone, half an hour of getting into a challenging but fun game takes your mind away onto something else, freshens you up and allows you to come up with a new way of thinking. Try this link to a free game of checkers http://www.thepcmanwebsite.com/checkers.shtml

3. Volunteer

It doesn’t have to take up too much time in the week but helping a local charity, school or other group will help to take your mind away from the day to day worries and allow you the wonderful benefits of making new friends, learning new skills and opening up new opportunities. Most types of volunteering will produce positive feelings and here’s a link to a Press Association release describing some recent research http://ukpress.google.com/article/ALeqM5gYbaqsrGFjRXD9olpjfCq79je5cg

4.  Get creative

You don’t need to be a trained artist and it’s not about getting it ‘right’ it’s about letting go of constraints and the need to do something by a given time to some predefined standard. So try a creative art, perhaps take some photos on your mobile phone and then edit them on your PC, or get some pastels and sketch. Creative outlets without rules can free our thinking to the point where we feel more confident, happier and more able to deal with life issues. I recently bought some air drying clay and decided I would be a sculptor for the afternoon and it was great fun I made this and as you can see it’s about the journey rather than the destination!

Man thinking on nature - My first sculpture!

5. Talk to a friend

Yes this is tried and tested and the positive impact on stress of ‘offloading’ to a friend or someone close cannot be underestimated. As the saying goes, a problem shared is a problem halved. Speaking with someone about your stresses can open up a new approach you may not have seen before and you will feel supported which of course increases your confidence.

5 ways to beat procrastination today

We put things off all the time and it doesn’t really  matter if it’s an important task or not.  Procrastination is simply a habit, and an alarmingly easy one to develop and there’s much already written about the psychology of it which won’t be repeated here. Instead assuming that the idea of putting things off is frustrating, annoying and causes feelings of guilt then  here are 5 ways to just get moving on something that needs to get done. These can be tried,  individually or as a set of steps:

Why do it?

To feel better about putting something off we often think of other less important things we ‘need’  to do instead.  So, try clearing everything else, from your mind and think exclusively and intensely for a few minutes about why you need to do it.  Concentrate on what you will get out of starting and finally completing the task. If you need to, write down a quick list which you only need to do for while as you get used to this exercise.

Break it down

See a job as too big and you will think of every reason to put off doing it. It’s human nature and takes discipline to take on something big. Break it down into small chunks and it is much more manageable and your confidence will grow as you realise that each part can be done.

Spend 5 minutes

Whether it’s  mowing the lawn, writing a report or going to the gym make up your mind to spend 5 minutes to just get started. So get your gym gear together and walk to the front door. Just observe how you feel when you have started. If it feels OK then go forward and get in the car or walk to the gym. Momentum is the name of the game, get started and then realise that it wasn’t so bad after all.

Tell a friend

If there is a goal or task you have been planning to do then tell someone. Give them details and a time when you think you will have it done. You will give yourself an added incentive to follow through knowing that someone you respect knows you are going to do something by a certain time or date.

Drop it
If you just can’t get started on something then a  great way to free yourself from the nagging guilt of putting the task off is to ask yourself what would you lose by dropping it from your list of things to do.

Again a do a brief list and be really honest. If the list is vague or has very little that inspires you then be disciplined enough to consciously shelve the idea or even drop it.  If it is important enough to you then It will, of course, re-emerge in your mind again with maybe stronger reasons for you to get started.

The aim of these steps are to help you to move away from the wasteful feelings of guilt and frustration which will take away your energy and enthusiasm in other areas of your life. Make sure you are clear about why you do or don’t need to something and then take immediate action.

Say hello with a smile and be more confident meeting new people

Sometimes it’s difficult to try something new because we are worried about how to meet and speak with new people. More to the point, we are afraid of looking silly, out of place or stuttering our words.  We can often build up situations in our minds to a point where we will believe that it’s not worth going to a social gathering, starting an evening class or evening changing our jobs because we won’t be accepted and worse still will be rejected by those already there.

There is no magic trick for making new friends or breaking the ice in a way that feels totally comfortable if we are usually shy or  lacking confidence. There is a way to reduce the pressure and will take practice and that is to make sure you smile when greeting someone and more importantly make eye contact.

This is something you probably hear often and in fact is a basic principle of getting to know new people but the power of smiling sincerely cannot be taken lightly.  Think for a moment when you walk into a room for an interview or go to the see the doctor, if you see a smiling face and you are acknowledged with warm eye contact you feel more settled, comfortable and more able to speak  freely.  If however the person interviewing you doesn’t look up or has a less than enthusiastic expression then it’s likely you will feel less confident in making the conversation work well.

In his classic work, ‘How to win friends and influence people’, Dale Carnegie said “If we want to make friends, let’s greet people with animation and enthusiasm. When somebody calls you on the telephone use the same psychology. Say “Hello” in tones that bespeak how pleased YOU are to have the person call.”

A simple experiment
There are many ways to start to build confidence when communicating and trying new situations and will be covered here in future posts, but I would suggest an experiment over the next few days. When you meet someone you don’t know, smile warmly and make eye contact as you do so. Notice the way they react and then the way the conversation goes. A non- threatening way to do this is to try it out with a shop assistant or a colleague in a meeting. The key is not to worry about whether they smile back or to engage in a heavy discussion it’s about confidently trying something new and measuring the results.  Making this small behaviour change you will eventually change your feelings about meeting saying hello to new people.