Hello world! yes it’s been a long long while since I last posted a thought, but after a year of getting on with life and getting bogged down in day to day stuff that takes you away from your passions I felt a pull to confident changes so here I am.
I’ve decided that I want to share my thoughts again and just let people know about the things I discover and make smile.
Be right back……:)
Imagine a playground at work!
When you were at school the day would be broken up with breaks in the playground where you could talk to friends, play games, have a run and generally let off steam. In the world of work it’s not so easy to find a chunk of time everyday where you can do your own thing but it maybe possible to dedicate one lunchtime to doing something that will relieve stress and allow you to recharge you batteries instead of eating at your desk, in the staff restaurant or rushing to the bank.
Making a change to your routine by carving out one hour in the middle of one of your work days to do something different will give you something to look forward to and may yield great benefits in reducing your stress and tension levels making you feel more able to deal with the demands of work. Here are 3 suggestions to try one day this week:
Walking club
Why not start a walking club with some colleagues, where you can agree in advance a series of walks in the local area lasting for about 40 minutes allowing some time at the end to eat. The walks don’t have to be particularly vigorous but the club do need to take responsibility to take part consistently. The benefits are numerous but will include, getting to know colleagues better, increasing fitness levels and reducing tension.
Start or join a games club
This can be a simple yet very effective idea where a few of you can decide on a game such as scrabble and arrange to play every week for an hour over lunch. The group can remain small but if more colleagues show interest then perhaps go to your employers and present it as a morale improving initiative for staff.
Start or join a book club
Workplace book clubs are gaining in popularity and are again an effective way to do something completely different from your work while getting to know the people who work in your organisation. The concept is very simple and will mean the group decides on the title of the book for the month and you all then buy a copy and then meet back at regular intervals to discuss the story. In some cases book clubs will arrange to watch a stage or screen adaptation of the story adding another feature to the social aspect of the club.
The workplace ‘playtime’ is an opportunity to use some of the valuable time you have in the middle of your day which may teach you something new, improve your health and help you to make new friends all of which are excellent ways to improve confidence and reduce stress.
This year we have seen unprecedented changes in the way the world views money and the organisations everyone thought would be rock solid forever. In particular we hear the term credit crunch, which indicates the that borrowing money is more difficult following a period where lending was quick and easy.
So we know now that with banks fighting extinction and the domino effects on all of us together with rising fuel and food prices that the world is now a less confident place than a couple of years ago. A key question though is why? why should it be that just because it’s difficult to borrow money should we feel a sense of dread or fear? There are textbook economic answers to this of course, and this is part of a cycle, but there is also a human perception answer here.
We are trained from an early age that to own and to accumulate is a good thing and that to better ourselves is progress. There is no denying the positive effects owning something new or better than we had before but what happens to our confidence when prices go up or salaries stay the same? We are less sure and look around to see how else we can make ourselves feel better.
The way we get information is getting faster every day and with the ever increasing media available, at ironically cheaper cost, we are exposed to messages encouraging us to take more holidays, buy another concert ticket, sign up for a pre-release blu ray disc or upgrade your car. In fact without thinking very hard about it, we can easily be convinced that it’s really normal to keep upgrading and to make our lives feel better by taking more expensive holidays. They imply that if we don’t keep up then we become excluded will eventually be unable to function in the modern world, get left behind and feel lonely. It might be time we got a new attitude to money and ownership and stopped sleepwalking with the idea that borrowing and buying will fill gaps in our confidence and ultimately our happiness.
In this time of credit difficulties and rising prices we are still encouraged to take up new ways to spend what cash we do have in the form of discount food and clothes stores, interest free furniture and balance transfers, with a fee, of course. All of this points to the fact that we are still encouraged to renew what we own and that the things we already have are now overtaken by the next version. ‘New improved’ is the dream we are given and we devour it mostly without question.
30 Days to crunch credit
It’s not easy to think of ownership in a different way after years of easy credit and fast moving improvements to our every materialistic desires, but it’s worth a try. Let’s try an experiment for one month, something where the aim is to consider every purchase carefully and to look at all that you own and to think of the value it brings you. It’s possible to find new ways to feel fulfilled and happy other than purchasing power, but first there needs to be a cleansing of the way we think and a dedication to break the habit of spend to feel better.
Try committing to spending 30 days where when you go shopping you only purchase what you know you will eat or drink and disregard the ’special offers’ that you had no intention or need to go out and buy. Think long and hard about why you need to buy that £200 pound gadget when something half the price with a lesser brand will do the same job. Is it necessary to update your car just because the manufacturer advertises a ‘face-lifted version’? Does you current car still get you where you need to go, do you have the luxuries you actually need?
Once you have had a stock take of your possessions and understand the difference between what you actually need and what you just feel like having you can start to think of how to satisfy your time in a different way. The next stage of crunching credit is to think of how the things to do that are inexpensive or free and take a little time to do. Take more walks, read more talk more with friends over a meal rather than sit in front of that expensive plasma. Do you really need that expensive car? can you get fit and save money by using a bike for local journeys?
While these suggestions are in fact very simple, the process of breaking a habit of quick purchases to feel better for a short time is more difficult but ultimately more rewarding. The obvious money savings aside, you will feel less vulnerable when the next credit crunch comes around because the less you owe the more of yourself you own.
Thinking about what we are really good at often feels like a struggle, especially when we have the business of life to get on with. It’s easy to go through school and college and on into work just assuming we are on track and doing the right thing.
Society has a timetable for us to follow and if we stop then we get left behind. It’s only in recent years that it’s become acceptable for students to take a gap year before going on to work. In fact it’s becoming more the norm for mature workers to take time out of their careers to travel or try other activities such as volunteer work. This growing trend points to the need for people to take time away from the timetable of life and to look carefully into what makes them happiest.
You maybe trained as a dentist but in your spare time you adore woodwork or photography. It’s when you are engrossed in these activities that you realise how relaxed you feel despite being busy and fully occupied.
The idea of finding your true talent is not just about a job or activity but the instinctive need to express a natural feeling. For example you may have a natural feeling to create something and that can manifest itself into an activity like painting or playing music. However if you are locked into a career where you are working in a rigid structure which allows for very little creative output you will eventually feel frustrated and unfulfilled. Understanding your natural talent gives you a springboard to develop a life that feels more relaxed and less frustrating.
So how can we dig deep to find this talent? Here is a suggestion to help you on your way:
Take a Gap Day
As difficult as it may seem, arrange to have a day when you can be completely alone with no distractions such as mobile phones or television. Some background music to help you relax is OK but ensure it’s not intrusive. Have some paper and a pen handy in case you need to write your thoughts down. Relax in in a comfortable chair and just think about times when you have felt most relaxed. What were you doing? where were you? note this down. Then think of when you felt most comfortable in an activity, the sort of activities which made you feel most fulfilled. You may notice that you felt best when you were helping people, or decorating and organising a home. It maybe that you felt fantastic when you described your holiday to friends.
Don’t pressure yourself in trying to identify a ‘new career’. The aim of the day is simply to turn off the noise of modern life and to listen to you again. In doing this exercise alone you will get in touch with what makes you feel less stressed and you will feel inspired to look at life a little differently. Once you have an idea of what your natural talent is you will be surprised to find your mind buzzing with ideas on how to express it whether at work or in the form of a relaxing pastime. Good luck!
How many goals do you have in life? sometimes we have a list of things we want to do and yet never move any further than adding them to a mental list and then feel guilty for not taking action.
One step forward is the way to go somewhere else in life, and in this short video, the veteran motivational speaker Brian Tracy describes a powerful way to cut through the forest of good intentions and to start working on one thing that is not only important, but that will make a real difference.
Sometimes it’s difficult to try something new because we are worried about how to meet and speak with new people. More to the point, we are afraid of looking silly, out of place or stuttering our words. We can often build up situations in our minds to a point where we will believe that it’s not worth going to a social gathering, starting an evening class or evening changing our jobs because we won’t be accepted and worse still will be rejected by those already there.
There is no magic trick for making new friends or breaking the ice in a way that feels totally comfortable if we are usually shy or lacking confidence. There is a way to reduce the pressure and will take practice and that is to make sure you smile when greeting someone and more importantly make eye contact.
This is something you probably hear often and in fact is a basic principle of getting to know new people but the power of smiling sincerely cannot be taken lightly. Think for a moment when you walk into a room for an interview or go to the see the doctor, if you see a smiling face and you are acknowledged with warm eye contact you feel more settled, comfortable and more able to speak freely. If however the person interviewing you doesn’t look up or has a less than enthusiastic expression then it’s likely you will feel less confident in making the conversation work well.
In his classic work, ‘How to win friends and influence people’, Dale Carnegie said “If we want to make friends, let’s greet people with animation and enthusiasm. When somebody calls you on the telephone use the same psychology. Say “Hello” in tones that bespeak how pleased YOU are to have the person call.”
A simple experiment
There are many ways to start to build confidence when communicating and trying new situations and will be covered here in future posts, but I would suggest an experiment over the next few days. When you meet someone you don’t know, smile warmly and make eye contact as you do so. Notice the way they react and then the way the conversation goes. A non- threatening way to do this is to try it out with a shop assistant or a colleague in a meeting. The key is not to worry about whether they smile back or to engage in a heavy discussion it’s about confidently trying something new and measuring the results. Making this small behaviour change you will eventually change your feelings about meeting saying hello to new people.
It’s so familiar; the weekend starts with a feeling of relief and optimism and continues into Saturday night. Sunday morning starts in a peaceful haze, we go get a paper have a lazy breakfast then…. There is a faint feeling of discomfort in the pit of our stomach. Yes the weekend is nearly over; it’s Sunday and tomorrow is hell-day!
This can cause huge anxiety and millions around the world experience this every week of their lives. It’s a cycle that leaves many feeling hopeless, worried, frightened and depressed. The power that this fear causes takes away from any positive benefits gained in the previous two days of the weekend and essentially leaves us feeling far from refreshed on Monday.
So how can we change this feeling? Here are five suggestions:
1. Monday will arrive
The first thing is to realise that failing something disastrous happening, Monday will arrive, get used to it, every Sunday you feel crap yet it always leads to Monday and on it goes. So accept the thing we cannot change and understand the thoughts you are thinking. For example, be specific, what is it that is causing worry about Monday, commuting? Your boss? workmates? workload? Your lack of experience? The way to make Sunday night feel better is to think differently about Monday. The problem won’t just disappear but you will feel more in control if you control what you do and how you think.
If you know why you are not feeling good about something you have a better chance of dealing with it. So if it’s the workload you have left behind, one way to approach the situation is to accept that the work is there and that you will have to go in to face it whether you worry or not. The next thing is to plan how you will reduce the load, it’s not helpful to think of how to eliminate it as this may just seem too much to handle. A small achievable plan of how to reduce the load in small chunks might include speaking with a contact or workmate for more information or guidance, making a phone call to move something on or asking your boss for some training or support. These maybe enough to change the way you think about the task at hand.
2. Don’t waste your minutes
Your weekend is important because it’s time you have to yourself so use all of it for yourself. Rest, watch T.V. go for walks, read the paper, meet friends whatever it is that is part of your life then you should not cut it short because of something that you would rather not be doing in the future. Try going to the cinema on a Sunday afternoon and follow that up with a night at a cool restaurant, perhaps things that you would never normally do on a Sunday. So instead of switching off at 6pm, use your time well and you can still be in bed by a sensible time to start the week in good form instead of in a state of dread. Change your behaviour by doing something different and watch your mood change. Keeping busy with things that stop you from worrying about the next day will give you a sense that you have more control over your life. Your minutes are valuable so use them to have some fun and do something for yourself.
3. Get straight to it
Try avoiding a slow start to the week, instead try get some energy moving and go in quickly and with purpose. Grab a coffee and start work by jotting a list of a few items you have to do in the first two hours. Keep it realistic and fairly low stress and then just go. It’s still possible to do this and yet converse with workmates about the great film you went to watch last night. Change your approach and your mood will shift, you will feel a little more in control.
4. Plan a mid-week weekend
Monday comes and all we can live for is Friday night. Hard as it might sound, why not plan a mini weekend into your week. Wednesday night for example might be the time you go for dinner with friends, or take the kids out bowling. You may make it your theatre night or take up a class to inspire you to change your lifestyle. The point is not to think too hard about it but to decide that Wednesday nights are going to be about more than continuing to tick off your minutes towards the next weekend. You will have something nice to look forward to, and the week will feel less like your boss owns it.
5. Review the week and plan ahead
Friday afternoons should have something like a 10 minute slot where you can have a quick look back over what went well over the week, and what presented problems. Before you leave, make a note of the biggest piece of work, or worrying task for Monday and also note a couple of points of how you plan solve them. You will come in to the list on Monday but will break them down into further shorter lists of tasks. How do you eat an elephant?
It’s not easy to shift the way we think but normally if we change our behaviour and just do something different we can discover something new and exciting in what we always thought was a boring or hopeless situation. Things don’t change overnight but you have the choice of whether to sit still and lament your rut or make a small change and see what else might happen.
We all do it, all the time. Someone asks us to fix that shelf, we say we’ll get around to it next week. We have an intention to get fit…after Christmas, we plan to take that trip after a big project.
‘You never know what’s around the corner’ is a cliche, yet, it is of course very true, well all know this. The problem is we never think that what’s around the corner will stop us from doing the thing we know we should do. Just how wrong can we be? Well I would ask anyone who is waiting to set themselves free of good intentions to watch this most inspiring lecture by the late Professor Randy Pausch, who at the time of this lecture knew that he had very little time left to live.
Professor Pausch talks about acheiving childhood dreams and his views and advice are indeed powerful, but the most powerful thing I found was that he knew he had little time left and made sure he got his message out and his dream in motion.
He knew what was around the corner, and yet I suspect even if he didn’t he would still have gone for it.
Sometimes we think that breaking out of a rut means a huge effort and we end up putting off doing something new. We think of the big things when it’s more powerful to just do something small and quiet.
How many times have we thought about whether we should go to that after work meal or the gathering and felt that it would be more effort than it was worth? We go along and often it can change the feel of the whole week, we come back with a nice memory or maybe we met someone new who made us think differently
Trying something new or different doesn’t mean you need to buy, it would be an expensive trip to the shops if that were the case! It’s OK to try something that we might not feel is ‘me’.
Go to a museum, visit a park or watch a film you wouldn’t normally dream of watching. The thing with trying something on for size is that it shakes you up a bit, causes you to think differently, and that can lead to new ideas and new ways of doing things. It could lead you out of boredom and into something that inspires you.
It might all seem simplistic, but actually, life is pretty simple, we have to sleep, we have to wake, and eventually we will die. So in between all of those traffic lights we have to do something, so it might as well be stuff that feels good.
This is all change, and change can be scary or annoying or exciting. However you feel about it the posts here will try and give you ideas, cause discussion and hopefully get the changing rooms full ! This will be a place to come and share ways we have made change happen, reacted to change, tried something new or how we keep life feeling fresh.
My aim is to help people to feel better about change and if we feel better about change then life can open up to new people and experiences. I invite everyone to try something new for size.
