Sometimes it’s difficult to try something new because we are worried about how to meet and speak with new people. More to the point, we are afraid of looking silly, out of place or stuttering our words. We can often build up situations in our minds to a point where we will believe that it’s not worth going to a social gathering, starting an evening class or evening changing our jobs because we won’t be accepted and worse still will be rejected by those already there.
There is no magic trick for making new friends or breaking the ice in a way that feels totally comfortable if we are usually shy or lacking confidence. There is a way to reduce the pressure and will take practice and that is to make sure you smile when greeting someone and more importantly make eye contact.
This is something you probably hear often and in fact is a basic principle of getting to know new people but the power of smiling sincerely cannot be taken lightly. Think for a moment when you walk into a room for an interview or go to the see the doctor, if you see a smiling face and you are acknowledged with warm eye contact you feel more settled, comfortable and more able to speak freely. If however the person interviewing you doesn’t look up or has a less than enthusiastic expression then it’s likely you will feel less confident in making the conversation work well.
In his classic work, ‘How to win friends and influence people’, Dale Carnegie said “If we want to make friends, let’s greet people with animation and enthusiasm. When somebody calls you on the telephone use the same psychology. Say “Hello” in tones that bespeak how pleased YOU are to have the person call.”
A simple experiment
There are many ways to start to build confidence when communicating and trying new situations and will be covered here in future posts, but I would suggest an experiment over the next few days. When you meet someone you don’t know, smile warmly and make eye contact as you do so. Notice the way they react and then the way the conversation goes. A non- threatening way to do this is to try it out with a shop assistant or a colleague in a meeting. The key is not to worry about whether they smile back or to engage in a heavy discussion it’s about confidently trying something new and measuring the results. Making this small behaviour change you will eventually change your feelings about meeting saying hello to new people.
